Stages of Love and Loss
Mixed Media on Canvas, 2022
From Connection to Release
This piece is a meditation on what it means to love deeply and to lose without warning. It exists in the spaces between words the ache before the goodbye, the silence after the door closes, the breath you hold when you're afraid the feeling might disappear. It began with tenderness. The kind of softness you don't question. But love, when held too tightly, begins to shift. And when it unravels, it doesn't always break loudly. Sometimes it slips away slowly, leaving you with fragments of what used to be.
The brushstrokes are layered with memory. love that was real, even when it faded. Texture becomes tension. Color becomes emotion. And what’s left behind is not just grief, but transformation. This piece doesn't seek resolution. It lives in the complexity of feeling it all the joy, the doubt, the heartbreak, and the quiet return to self. It’s a visual reminder that loss isn’t the opposite of love. It’s part of it. And sometimes, letting go is the most intimate act of all.
Process
I worked in layers, letting each one speak before covering it, softening it, or scratching it out. Some marks were intentional, deliberate, like holding onto a moment. Others were instinctual, a release. I chose my palette intuitively starting with warmth, letting it fade into chaos, then allowing space for coolness and calm to return. The textures were built with palette knives and brushes, but also with my hands. I needed to feel the surface. I needed it to resist me sometimes to remind me that healing doesn’t always come gently.
As the piece evolved, I kept returning to areas I had already “finished,” realizing they still held something unresolved. In many ways, I painted it the way we move through heartbreak doubling back, breaking open, covering wounds, and making peace with the scars. The final piece isn't polished, and that’s intentional. It holds tension, stillness, and change. It doesn’t try to be perfect it just tries to be honest.
Stage 1: Love
This stage represents vulnerability, excitement, and openness. The tones are warm and fluid, reflecting the joy of new connection.
Stage 2: Doubt
Subtle cracks begin to appear. I used jagged strokes and overlapping textures to signal misalignment and confusion.
Stage 3: Loss
This panel is intentionally sparse, symbolizing emotional void. Scraping techniques and thin washes created a sense of erosion.
Stage 4: Healing
The composition reintroduces balance. I used circular forms and layering to suggest peace and the beginning of closure.