Submerged in Anxiety
Acrylic and Modeling Paste on Canvas
2022
The Weight of Emotion: Concept Behind the Piece
The creation of “Submerged in Anxiety” was slow and meditative mirroring the emotional state I was trying to express. I began by applying modeling paste with palette knives, carving into the surface to mimic waves, ridges, and ruptures. I wanted the canvas to feel tactile and heavy before any color was even introduced like the tension was already alive in the surface. Once the texture dried, I layered acrylic paints, building from desaturated grays and murky purples to deeper blues and near-black tones. I avoided brushes in many sections, instead using tools like scrapers, sponges, and even my hands to drag, press, and smear paint. This choice was about control or the lack of it. It allowed for unpredictable marks, which became symbolic of how anxiety often shows up: uneven, unplanned, and hard to contain.
Throughout the process, I found myself scraping back layers I had just applied intentionally removing parts of the piece that felt “too clean.” I didn’t want to resolve the composition traditionally, but to reflect emotional fragmentation. Some areas were reworked multiple times, while others were left untouched after a single pass, capturing the fleeting, raw honesty of a moment. As I worked, I played ambient music and recorded voice notes of anxious thoughts using them not as direct input, but to stay emotionally connected. This wasn’t about creating a “beautiful” painting. It was about making something that could hold weight. Something that feels like pressure when you stand in front of it.
Process
“Submerged in Anxiety” is a visual representation of emotional paralysis the weight that anxiety places on both the body and mind. The piece emerged during a time when daily responsibilities, academic expectations, and personal fears began to feel like rising water. I wanted the canvas to hold the physicality of that emotional experience: the sensation of sinking slowly, unable to reach the surface.
The textured surface, built from modeling paste, mimics waves or ripples representing the layered and often unpredictable nature of anxiety. Each undulation captures a moment of internal turbulence. The darker palette was a deliberate choice, reflecting both isolation and intensity. By allowing the materials to behave unpredictably dragging paint with palette knives, scraping through layers I mirrored the lack of control that anxiety often brings.
Rather than aiming for clarity or beauty, the piece is intentionally raw, murky, and atmospheric. It asks the viewer not just to observe, but to feel to confront the suffocating quiet that anxiety can create. It’s not about resolution, but recognition.
Reflection
Creating “Submerged in Anxiety” wasn’t just about making art it was about making sense of what I couldn’t articulate with words. I poured parts of myself into this piece that I didn’t even know needed releasing. Every ridge, scrape, and shadow on the canvas is a memory, a moment I felt invisible, overwhelmed, or stuck in my own mind.
This work became a container for everything I was afraid to say out loud. It taught me that art doesn’t need to resolve pain it just needs to give it space. Sometimes, expressing emotion isn’t about clarity or healing it’s about acknowledging its presence and allowing it to exist without shame.
When I look at this piece now, I don’t just see anxiety. I see survival. I see the tension between chaos and control, between being submerged and resurfacing. And that tension is still honest, still present, but I’m not afraid of it anymore. This piece reminded me that the act of creating is, in itself, an act of resilience.
